Want to pretend we care? Okay, Ron Carter is a "Tin Kicker" (gotta love that jargon), an air-accident investigator. Nancy Kronziac works for the FBI Counter Intelligence Group. Together this poverty-row Mulder and Scully must sift through the wreckage and piece together the far-reaching criminal conspiracy that "takes the reader from the sweating jungles of Mexico to the hallowed halls of Washington D.C. itself."

This is ugly, silly mind-pollutant, showcasing writing that scales the dizzy heights of the mediocre, and reads like it was plotted on (if not by) a Speak `N Spell. From the reassuringly butch cover to the obvious page count (and garish Dick & Jane typeface), it doesn't have an ironic bone in its stultifyingly inadequate body. Expect to see cricketers and ex-Tory Cabinet Ministers salivating from those "My Media" columns in The Guardian any day.